It’s early in the morning, and Johnny, who’s ten years old, is telling his younger brother Freddie that he’s going to use a Bad Word that day. Freddie thinks this is most daring thing ever, and asks,

“Really??? That’s soooo cool! What word you gonna use? Huh?”

Johnny whispers “I’m going to say ‘God-damn’!”

Freddie is really impressed. “Wow! I wanna say a bad word too! I’m going to say… say… ASS!”

They are both really excited and are whispering and planning until their mother calls them down to breakfast. They can barely control their giggling when their mother sweetly asks,

“What would you like for breakfast, Johnny?”

And Johnny, with a conspiratorial look at his brother, says

“I’m gonna have… gonna have… gonna have some god-damn eggs!”

Their mother is stunned, then furious – “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!”, and grabs Johnny by the scruff of his neck, turns him over and spanks him until he’s sore and crying, and then sends him straight up to bed. Then, still furious, she turns to Freddie and demands,

“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man!?”

Freddie is utterly cowed and can barely speak he’s so scared, but finally manages to speak,

“I’m … I’m… I’m… not sure – but you can bet your ass I don’t want no god-damn eggs!”

“““““

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A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?” A Major chimed in with 25-75% in favor of work . A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC (Private First Class) who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

“““““

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A new nurse is being given the tour of his new workplace. He and a fellow nurse walk the hallways of the hospital. Passing one of the rooms he sees a nurse mounted on top of a patient having rough passionate sex.

“What on earth is this nurse doing?!” He asked. The other nurse casually replies “this man has a very rare condition. If he doesn’t ejaculate 6 or more times a day, his balls fill up with pressure and literally explode.”

The new nurse, stunned, but content with the answer continues on with his tour of the hospital. A few doors down he sees a man bored and sighing, masturbating to a hardcore porn.

“And this man? ” the new nurse asked.

The other nurse response “Oh, this man? He has the same condition as the patient with the exploding balls a few doors down. But that patient has better insurance.”

“““““

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For a couples anniversary, this guys wife wants to get the words “beautiful butt” tattoo’d across her ass, since he’s always saying how beautiful her butt is.

She goes to get the tattoo, but the artist says that the words are too long and she doesn’t have enough room. She decided to abbreviate the words to BB, one B on each cheek. The artist says he can do that.

She gets home to find her husband in bed reading. She strips for him, and turns around and bends over and grabs her ankles. Her husband looks at her ass and says “Who the hell is BOB?”

——-

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