One day God is walking on Earth and a man approaches him.
Man: “Hey God, isn’t 1 million years like a second to you?”
God: “Hm, that’s pretty accurate. 1 million years is like a second to me”
Man: “Then 1 million dollars would be like… a penny to you, wouldn’t it?”
God: “Yes, a million dollars would be like a penny to me.”
Man: “Can I have a penny as it means to you?”
God: “Sure. Just a sec.”
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
There was a competition going on in Spain to see who the worlds greatest swordsman was. The final three competitors had been chosen and were brought on stage in front of the anticipating crowd to showcase their talent. The first swordsman stepped forward causing the crowd to hush.
One of the judges proceeded to release a small black fly and let it buzz around the stage. With the flick of his wrist and faster than you can blink the fly hit the ground in two pieces. The audience bursts into applause as the swordsman steps back. Next is the second swordsmans turn and he faces the same challenge. The fly is is released and in two swift motions he cuts the fly into four pieces.
The audience is even more impressed and gives the man a standing ovation. Finally the third swordsman takes the spotlight and another fly is released onto the stage. The swordsman takes one quick swish at the fly but it continues to fly around the stage. The audience is dumbstruck. Finally someone from the audience speaks up: “sir… The fly is still alive.” “Ah, si” replies the swordsman “but he will never be a father”
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late. “So what’s the excuse this time,” she said. “Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I swear,” he slurred. “Where?” she asked. “Uhhh…I can’t remember exactly, but wherever it is, they have golden urinals.” He then proceed to pass out. Now, he had given some weird excuses before, but this one was just bizarre, so she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and call around town to find the golden urinal bar. After being hung up on many times, she calls the last bar in town. “Hello? I know this is going to sound weird, but do you guys have golden urinals?” The bartender then pulls the phone from his face and shouts, “Hey, Jerry! We found the guy that pissed in your saxophone.”
“““““
Hook up online : at SteamyDating.com
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before – I took a bus home.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I acquired this one.
“““““