The elementary class was learning about addition.

The teacher asks little cindy, “If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?”

cindy thinks about it for a few seconds and says, “Seven.”

The teacher says, “No, let’s try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more.”

cindy spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, “Seven.”

The teacher says, “Let’s try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?”

cindy says, “Six.”

The teacher says, “Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?”

cindy again says, “Seven.”

The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at cindy, “Why do you keep saying seven?!”

cindy says, “Because… I’ve already got a cat!”

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A Panda walks into an expensive restaurant, he gets seated by the host and looks at the menu. He orders the most expensive items on the menu; Porterhouse, A bottle of Chateau Lafite and Black Truffle Cheesecake. When the check comes, the Panda pulls out a handgun and shoots the waiter right between the eyes.

As the Panda is walking out the door, the manager stops him. “What the hell do you think you are doing Panda,” he says. “Not only are you skipping out on the check, but you SHOT my employee.”

“Its ok sir,” the Panda responds, “I’m a panda” “You KILLED someone, you can’t get away with this!” yells the manager.

“Don’t be silly,” says the Panda. “Im a panda, look it up in the dictionary” And he casually walks out the door.

The manager, not knowing what to do with himself, grabs a dictionary and flips to P. Under Panda:

panda. noun. Large mammal, indigenous to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

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A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.

A man in a Porche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride.

They try to fit the hippy’s bike into the trunk of the man’s Porsche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike.

Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, “I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I’ll drive you along. If I’m going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike.” The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode.

The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini.

They’re racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, “Dispatch you’ll never believe what I just saw.

I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them.”

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Two women talk about their last night sex:

-So, how was your sex yesterday?

-It was crap…. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, then we fucked for 4 minutes and after two minutes he fell asleep. And how was yours?

-I had a wonderful evening yesterday. My husband came back home, then he took me out for a lovely romantic dinner. Then we had a relaxing stroll back home for an hour. Then we lit the candles and had a wonderful one-hour long foreplay. We had awesome sex for an hour and we also talked and cuddled for an hour afterwards. It was absolutely fantastic!

In the meantime, the husbands talk to each other:

-How was your sex yesterday? -It was crap…. I came back home to find that the power was down, so I took my old hag, out for something to eat. The food was very expensive and I didnt have much money so we had to come back home on foot. When we came back home, there was still no power so I had to light those fucking candles. I was so pissed off that I couldnt get a hard on for an hour, and later I wasnt able to fall asleep for ages. And how was yours?

-My evening was cool! I came back home, the food was already on the table. I ate until I was full, fucked my wife and went to sleep!

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