An old priest goes and plays golf one sunny afternoon with a young priest fresh out of seminar. The old priest carefully places his ball on the tee, concentrates, and strikes beautifully. However, the wind blows the ball off course and it falls into the rough.

“That goddamn wind!” says the old priest. The young priest turns to him, horrified.

“Sir, you shouldn’t swear like this… Remember, God said unto Moses Thou shalt not take the name of Lord thy God in vain.”

The old priest mumbles a half-hearted excuse and shuffles off to find his ball. He positions himself, checks his grip on the club, and strikes. The ball heads straight toward the hole… then gets blown off course again.

“That GODDAMN wind!” yells the old priest.

The young priest grows pale. “Sir,” he pleads, “you really shouldn’t swear like this.” But the old priest is already walking toward the brush where his ball landed.

He reaches it, and strikes it a third time. The ball gets blown off course yet again and lands right in the middle of a pond.

“THAT GODDAMN WIND!!” screams the priest, throwing his club away in a fit.

“Sir,” the young priest begins, but then there is a mighty flash in the heavens, and the young priest is struck dead by lightning.

The old priest falls to his knees. “God,” he asks, “why did you smite this poor young man instead of me?”

A booming voice echoes through the sky : “That goddamn wind…”

——-

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A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours’ male dog while the neighbours were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.” “I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“It just worked for me,” he replied.

——-

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It’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?” The man shakes his head. “No, he says. They’re all at the funeral.”

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A professor is sent to Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.

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