A teacher asks her class, ”If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny. ”None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies, ”The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.” Then Little Johnny says, ”I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ”Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

”The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on…but I like your thinking.’

——-

Military Singles at MeetingMilitary.com

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die:

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a happy mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

“Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.

“And, most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 8 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

“““““

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. This time, the Captain and his crew repelled both pirate ships, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?”

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,

“Bring me my brown pants!”

“““““

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Cowboy Bob walks into a bar and after two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay Bar.

What the heck,’ he says to himself, ‘I really want a drink.’

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, ‘What’s the name of your manhood?’

Cowboy Bob says, ‘Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a Drink.’

The gay waiter says, ‘I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you Tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the Slogan ‘Just Do It.’

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It Really Satisfies.’

Cowboy Bob looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So Cowboy Bob asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, ‘Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?’

The man looks back and says with a smile, ‘TIMEX.’

The thirsty cowboy asks, ‘Why Timex?’

The fella proudly replies, ‘Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on Tickin!’

A little shaken, Cowboy Bob turns to two fella’s on his right, who Happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, ‘So, what do you guys call yours?’

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, ‘FORD, because ‘Quality is Job One’.’ Then he adds, ‘Have you driven a Ford lately?’ The guy next to him then says, ‘I call mine CHEVY…..’Like a Rock!’… And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, Cowboy Bob has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,’The name of my dikk is SECRET. Now give me a beer.’

The bartender begins to pour Cowboy Bob a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, ‘Why Secret?’

Cowboy Bob says, ‘Because it’s’ STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!

——-

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