3 guys walk into a bar

The first guy says “I have got the smallest arm in? the world”

The second guy “I have the smallest head in the world”

The third guy “I have got the smallest d*ck in the world”

The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records

The first guy comes back and says “I really do have? the smallest? arm in the world”

The second guy comes back and says “Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world”

The third guy comes back angry ” Who the FUCK is ROBERT PATTINSON?

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a
blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So
she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, “What are you doing?” The first blonde told her how the repairman had
instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first..”

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Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.

When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts.

After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some ‘desert.’ Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar.

Joe asks what the dollar is all about.

The woman replies: “It was my husband’s suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me ‘Fuck him — give him a dollar.’ The lunch was my idea.”

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