A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!”

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!”

Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly–tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.

“There are no fish under the ice!!”

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, “Is that You, Lord?”

The voice boomed back, “NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!”

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The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, “He’s blind, he can’t see. What could it hurt.” They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

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A woman didn’t come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

A man didn’t come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband’s 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

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A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.

The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

“What happened to your feet?” his wife asked.

“I had a childhood disease called Tolio.”

“Don’t you mean polio?”

“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”

The man then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.

“What happened to your knees?” she asked.

“Well, I also had Kneesles.”

“Don’t you mean measles?”

“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”

When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, “Don’t tell me, you also had Smallcox!”

“““““

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