A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement.

He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, ‘Mother of Six’, in spite of her objections.

One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouted at the top of his voice,”Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouted back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

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A man in a pub asks for a beer.

The barman says, “Sure, that’ll be one dollar.”

“One dollar?” exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, “Could I have steak and chips?”

“Certainly,” says the barman, “that’ll be two dollars.”

“Two dollars?” cries the man. “You’re joking. Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The barman says, “Upstairs, with my wife”.”

The man says, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The barman says, “The same thing I’m doing to his business.”

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John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn’t look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn’t responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:

“Mi stai bloccando il d’tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ….”

John inscribes the words in his heart.

At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.

‘And, she asks with tearful eyes,”was it that he loved me? ”

“I do not know,” said the man, “but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d’tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ….”

The widow screams and faints.

“What?” John ask startled to the daughter, “what did he say, what does that mean?” And the crying daughter says:

“You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git.”

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

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