A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.

The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.”

“No worries,” replies the clerk.

“We’ve just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs.”

“Bl*wjobs,” says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the
frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.

With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.

In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.

She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

“What are you two doing?” she asks.

“Well,” says the husband. “If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here.”
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Teacher: Good morning class I have a couple of riddles to start off this morning. I have something here that’s round red and good to eat?

Sarah: an apple? Teacher: No it’s a tomato but you’re thinking.

Teacher: I have something here that’s yellow and odd shaped and good to eat?

Michael: A banana? Teacher: No it’s a pear but you’re thinking.

Little Johnny: Teacher, I have a riddle.

Teacher: Okay Johnny tell us your riddle.

Little Johnny: I have something in my pocket that’s round, hard and has a head on it?

Teacher: Johnny, you go see the principal right this instant.

Little Johnny: It’s a nail, but you’re thinking.

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A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”

“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

“I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.

He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, “Im getting a brother.”
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby’s kicks in her belly.

The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.

He replyed, “I think mommy ate him”

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