A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

“What’s up?” he says.

“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Jim is hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”

The man slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor.

“You b*stard,” the man says,” my wife is having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”

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A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”

She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”

“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”

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A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “I’m having a baby.”

With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”

She said, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”

She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked…

“Then why did you eat him?”

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A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What”s so special about it?”

The cowboy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What”s it telling you now?”

Well, it says you”re not wearing any panties.”

The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing”s an hour fast.”

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