Joke of the Day: Tourists

A tourists guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf.

“Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon.”

“What did you do?” the little girl asked.

“What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast.”

“How did you get away?”

“As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.”

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Joke of the Day: Retiring

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and lead him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she lead him downstairs where she prepaired an exquisite dinner for him.

He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, “When I called my husband to tell ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, ‘screw him, give him a dollar.’ Dinner was my idea.”

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Joke of the Day: interview

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, “The job that you’re applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man.”

The first applicant enters and says, “This man has just one ear.”
“Get out!!” screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, “This man has one ear.”
“Get out!!” screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, “The guy that’s giving the interview doesn’t like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear.”
“Thanks for the tip” says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, “This man wears contact lenses.”
The interviewer is impressed and says, “Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?”
So the guy says, “Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?”

“””””

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Joke of the Day: LAPD, FBI, CIA

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

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