A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.” “That’s when I made my big mistake.” “What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!” “I don’t remember much after that!”

——-

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A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Granny. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.

The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Granny. The young girl became frantic.

Sure enough, Granny noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for dear?” Not willing to let Granny in on her secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

“Mmmm, sounds lovely,” said Granny, “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Granny at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But, you’re so old, how do you do it?”

Granny replied,” Oh, it’s quite easy sonny, I just remove my dentures and suck ’em dry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says “meow” in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says “woof” in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts “potato” to the officer.

“““““

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