The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

“””””

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A cowboy gets killed out on the prairie in ambush by 100s of Indians. When his body gets back to his wife she hires the best artist in the west to to paint his last thoughts the artists paints for days then invites the wife over to take a look.

She is dumbfounded, the painting is full of cows with wings, and little halos and in between is loads of native Americans having sex in all sorts of positions. The wife says “wtf is this i asked you to paint paint my husbands last thoughts” the artist says “madam these are your husbands last thougts, holy cow, look at all those fucking indians”

“””””

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Little Johnny’s mom was cooking dinner one evening and from the kitchen, she hears Little Johnny playing with his train set and smiles. Suddenly, she hears, “All you mother fuckers getting on, get on. All you mother fuckers getting off, get off.”

She storms into the living room and says, “Johnny, go to your room and think about what you’ve said.”
A short while, he comes back down to the kitchen and says, “I’m sorry for what I said, Mommy. Can I play with my train set again?

His mom, preoccupied, agrees and gets back to work on dinner.

Five minutes later, she hears, “All you mother fuckers getting on, get on. All you mother fuckers getting off, get off. And all you mother fuckers who have a problem with the time delay, go talk to the bitch in the kitchen.”
“””””

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A jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at a very big company.

The employer interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor.

“You are hired.” – the employer said. ”Give me your email address, and I’ll send you the application to fill out, as well as when you will start.”

The man replied, “I don’t have a computer or an email.”

“I’m sorry,” said the employer, “if you don’t have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with no hope. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 USD in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket, bought a 10kg tomato crate, then sold the tomatoes door to door. In less than two hours, he succeeded and doubled his capital.

He repeated the operation 3 times and returned home with $60 USD. The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go every day earlier, and returned late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
Five years later, the man’s company was one of the biggest food retailers. He started to plan his family’s future and decided to have life insurance.

He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email. The man replied: “I don’t have an email.”

The broker replied curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?”

The man paused for a while, and replied: “An office boy!”

“””””

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