Joke of the Day: Doctors

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to the new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.” The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”

“Huh,” the younger doctor said, “pretty sneaky. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, “Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?”

“Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.”

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Joke of the Day: First Class

A blonde sitting in economy class on a flight going to Chicago suddenly stands up and sits down in a seat in first class. A flight attendant watching her goes over to her and says, “Excuse me miss, you can’t sit here. You paid for an economy ticket.” The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m staying here until we get to Chicago.”

The flight attendant tries to tell her to go sit back in economy class, but the blonde repeats the phrase over and over, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m staying here until we get to Chicago.” Then, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and asks the pilot and co-pilot if they can help her with the blonde.

The pilot agrees, and to his disappointment the same thing happens again. Then, the co-pilot says, “Wait, did you say she’s blonde? I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde. Let me try.” So he goes to first class, whispers in the blonde’s ear, and she quickly apologizes and sits back in economy again. The flight attendant and the pilot are amazed and ask him how he did it. The co-pilot replies, “I told her that first class wasn’t going to Chicago.”

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Joke of the Day: Little Johnny likes to gamble.

Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”

So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.”

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you ten dollars you’ve got a mole on your butt.”

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.”

The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”

Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he’d see your ass before the day was over.”
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Joke of the Day: Bubba and Clyde

Two rednecks Bubba and Clyde decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

Clyde went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

“What’s logic?” Clyde asked.

The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“I sure do.”

“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.

“That’s real good!” said Clyde.

The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”

The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I cain’t wait to take that logic class!”

Clyde, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked Bubba.

“Math, history, and logic!” replied Clyde.

“What in tarnation is logic?” asked Bubba.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked Clyde.

“No,” Bubba replied.

“You’re queer, ain’t ya?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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