Joke of the Day: Henry wakes up with a hangover

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Henry McQuay wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his companys Christmas Party. Henry is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didnt taste like alcohol at all. He didnt even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Henry had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Henry sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Lisa

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Henry asks, Son…. What happened last night?

Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

His son replies, Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, Im married!!

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

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Joke of the Day: First wedding

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Little Billy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, How many women can a man marry? Sixteen, Little Billy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. How do you know that? Easy, Little Billy said. All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer

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Joke of the Day: Little April

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”

The Teacher fainted.

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Joke of the Day: blind man

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A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, “What are you doing?!!” The blind man replies, “Just looking around.”

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