Joke of the Day: I Want to Buy That

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?”

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”

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Joke of the Day: Life Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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Joke of the Day: Mission to Mars

The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open.

He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen, he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.

After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.

She asked, “How do you do it on Earth?”

With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I’ll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette.

“Well,” she said, “where is the baby?”

He said “Oh, that takes nine months.”

“Well why did you stop stirring?”

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Joke of the Day: Confucius Says

Confucius Says…

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.

Man who go to bed with a problem in hand wakes up in the morning with a solution in hand.

He who refuses to listen is lying.

He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn’t feel crazy, feels nuts.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.

Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

Man who have woman on ground have piece on earth.

To make egg roll, push it