Joke of the Day: Talking Too Much

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Eight-year-old Wendy brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Wendy is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Wendy’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Wendy because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

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Joke of the Day: Blonde stewardess

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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

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Joke of the Day: Joe’s on his deathbed

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As Joseph Balk lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife Diane, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”

Diane looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”

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Joke of the Day: Jason is Speeding

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Jason Young is speeding down the highway when suddenly he sees red and blue flashing behind him. He pulls over his car and waits for the officer to approach his window. Jason sees the officer walking up so rolls down his window and asks “What seems to be the problem officer?”

“Well don’t you think you were going a little fast? I clocked you at 20 miles over the speed limit” the officer replies.

So Jason sighs and replies to him “I understand, I was just in such a rush, I absolutely have to get to work and I’m already late.”

“And what do you do that so important you need to drive 20 over the limit to get there?” the officer asks.

“Well I’m a rectum stretcher…” Jason replies back.

A little confused the officer scratches his chin and says “And just what in the hell does a rectum stretcher do?”

“It’s simple really” says Jason, “First I insert one finger in the anus, and loosen things up a bit. Then I get another finger in, and work it a little more. So I keep adding fingers until I can fit a whole fist in, and I just keep working that ass until I got it stretched six feet wide and six feet tall!”

The cop huffs and says “And what exactly does anyone do with a six foot tall asshole?”

Jason grins and says to him “You give him a radar gun and stick him behind a billboard!”

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