Joke of the Day: Doctors meeting

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A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.

Then one said, “Since we are all professionals, why don’t we take some time right now to hear each other out?”

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, “I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients.”

The second psychiatrist said, “I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.”

The third followed with, “I’m involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.”

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, “I know I’m not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep a secret…”

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Joke of the Day: Bored Superman

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Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a Few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see If she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said “What was that?” And the Invisible Man said, “I don’t know but my asshole hurts like hell!”

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Joke of the Day: In a coma

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A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wifes room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction. After a few minutes the monitors alarm goes off and she flatlines…no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

The husband says “She choked.”

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Joke of the Day: So how bad is the economy?

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So how bad is the economy really doing, you ask?

Women are having sex with their husbands/boyfriends because they can’t afford batteries.

Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

My ATM gave me an IOU!

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with the purchase was a bank.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Motel Six won’t leave the light on for you anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street ” Wal-Mart Street .”

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

One of the casinos in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

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