A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife
in bed with another man.
“Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?”
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, “I’d break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.”
“““““
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3 guys go camping in their new tent.
After a night’s sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others “I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my dick off!”
The guy sleeping on the right says “Weird! I had the exact same dream!”
The guy sleeping in the middle says “I had a dream that I was skiing …”
“““““
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There was this really old guy at an old-timer’s dance, and the problem was that he hadn’t had any sex for a long time. He’d been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn’t scored.
Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, “I’m having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a roll in the hay? I’ll give you 20 bucks!”
She says, “I’m willing, let’s go”.
They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can’t get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she’s got to be a virgin.
After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and puffs, “Wow! Lady, if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks”.
Surprised, she says, “If I had of known you were actually going to get a hard-on, I would have taken my pantyhose off!”
“““““
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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.” The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: “What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen.”
1st Man: “No, it’s true let me prove it to you.” So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: “You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.”
1st Man: “No, I’ll prove it again” and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: “Well what the heck, it works, I’ll try it.” So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a ‘splat.’
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:
“You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
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