There’s a hitch-hiker waiting for a ride, and then a semi comes along, and the driver decides to pick him up. So after a couple of minutes of silence, the truck driver asks, “Hey, wanna see a trick?”
“Sure,” replies the hitch-hiker. So the driver calls up a monkey from the back, smacks it, and it gives him a blowjob.
“Hey, you want some of this action?” asks the driver, and the hitch-hiker replies, “Sure, just don’t smack me so hard.”
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One Day, Norma Elizondo Had an idea about making homemade water. So She Decided to make a glass to have her housemaid Eva Taste Test. She had made it successfully, and handed the glass to Eva. Eva Took a Sip and spit it out on the floor. Eva Complained about how Acidic the water tasted. Norma says “It shouldn’t be. It came fresh from my stomach and up through my mouth!”
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A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I cant wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right, said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. “Hell,” he said. I cant get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way its going to stay until your attitude changes.”
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An Irishman, a Scottishman and an Englishman are all going to be executed by a firing squad. The Englishman is taken out and told to face the wall so he does but just as they’re going to shoot him, he shouts “Earthquake!” and the firing squad runs away. Then they bring out the Scottishman and he faces the wall but just as they are going to shoot he shouts “Tidal Wave!” and the firing squad again runs away. The Irishman is brought out and they tell him to face the wall and just as the firing squad is about to shoot, the Irishman shouts, “Fire!”
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