Joke of the Day – punctuation
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Joke of the Day – punctuation

 Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes…

Dear Thomas,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours?

Maria

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Dear Thomas,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours,

Maria

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Joke of the Day – Mother Teresa
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Joke of the Day – Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven.

God greets her at the Pearly Gates.”Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?” says God.

“I could eat,” Mother Teresa replies.

So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.

While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.

The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal.

Again, it is tuna and rye bread.

Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates.

Still she says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened.

She can’t contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: “God, I am grateful to be in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don’t understand.”

God sighs. “Let’s be honest,” He says. “For just two people, does it pay to cook?”

——-

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Joke of the Day – Scottish immigrant
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Joke of the Day – Scottish immigrant

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, “Run….run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!”

A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!”

The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: “R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!”

All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, “He doesn’t have to run, he got four balls.”

The Scotsman yells even louder, “Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!”

——-

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Joke of the Day – buying a saw
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Joke of the Day – buying a saw

This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.

The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of- the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.”

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. “How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?” the man asks himself. “I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day,” the man tells himself.

So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw. “The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer,” the man says to himself.

The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man’s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, “Hmm, it looks fine.”

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, “What’s that noise?

 

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Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

 

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