When is It Okay to Kiss Someone?

“When they’re rich!” Pam, age 7

“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 7

“The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them…. It’s the right thing to do.” Howard, age 8

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?

“I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing … I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out!” Theodore, age 8

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!” Anita, age 9

“Single is better … for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change no diapers… Of course, if I did get married, I’d figure something out. I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10

What Advice Do You Have for a Young Couple About to Be Married?

“The first thing I’d say to them is: ‘Listen up, youngins … I got something to say to you. Why in the heck do you wanna get married, anyway?'” Craig, age 9

What Promises Do a Man and a Woman Make When They Get Married?

“A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together.” Marlon, age 10

How to Make a Marriage Work

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!” Ricky, age 7

“If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes…. Especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it.” Lori, age 8

Getting Married for a Second Time

“Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than one to find a live one.” Angie L., age 10

How Would the World Be Different if People Didn’t Get Married?

“There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?” Kelvin, age 8

“You can be sure of one thing – the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now!” Roberta, age 7

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Some fun things to do the next time you’re on one of those long international flights to kill time…

Pinch the stewardess’ butt as she passes.

When two people kiss in the in flight movie, belch real loud.

When there’s any nudity, hoot really loudly for a few minutes.

Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it.

Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar.

Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, announce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places.

Run down the aisle screaming, “He’s got a bomb! He’s got a bomb!”.

Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.

“Accidental” soda spill on the dork next to you.

Give someone a coin, saying “Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don’t”.

Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling “We’re out of toilet paper! Stewardess!”.

Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you.

Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane.

Start a hot dog stand.

Steal businessman’s laptop, play solitaire on it.

Remark that perhaps you shouldn’t have put super glue in your underpants that morning.

Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.

Show off your Batman underwear.

Switch accents and see if anyone notices.

Sneak into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm.

Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger.

Go into the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says “e”.

Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice “Why do they call it the COCKpit?” then snort as if it’s the funniest thing in the world.

Don’t use deodorant, then “accidentally” stick your armpit in someone’s face.

Sneeze, using somebody’s sleeve instead of your hand to cover it.

Snort when you laugh.

Tell corny jokes and laugh like it’s absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same.

Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling “Yeee-ha!”.

With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say “Never mind. Do you have any towels?”.

Jump up and scream “AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!”.

Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they’re Kevin Costner or Goldie Hawn (This best then the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)

If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.

Pretend you’re flying the airplane.

Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang.

Take over the plane with a toy gun.

Yell to someone “Is it time to hijack the plane yet?” (Note: Do this when there are stewardess nearby).

To the person next to you, say “It’s amazing that they didn’t notice the grenade in my luggage.

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A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
“Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asks,
“What is it supposed to be when it’s finished??
The girl says,
“According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him
in and shows him where she has the puzzles spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. He turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosties back in the box.”

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How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?

“You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one.” Kally, age 9

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Allan, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married

“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!” Cam, age 10

“No age is good to get married at…. You got to be a fool to get married!” Freddie, age 6

How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married?

“Married people usually look happy to talk to other people.” Eddie, age 6

“You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” Derrick, age 8

What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?

“Both don’t want no more kids.” Lori, age 8

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