Joke of the Day – DUI
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Joke of the Day – DUI

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?” “I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

……………..

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Joke of the Day – Redneck Pickup Lines
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Joke of the Day – Redneck Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can’t hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8) Man – “Fat Penguin!” Woman – “WHAT?” Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

……………..

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Joke of the Day – talking dog
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Joke of the Day – talking dog

Fred is driving around St. John’s, Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. Fred goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yes, I do,” the Lab replies. “So, what’s your story?” The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discoveredthat I could talk when I was pretty young I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in Rooms with Spies and World Leaders, because no one figured a dog would be Eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.” “But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the St, John’s airport to do some undercover security. Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.” “I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of Medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.” Fred is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the Newfie says. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a freakin’ liar. He never did any of that shit.”

……………..

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Joke of the Day – 20 Year Old 5th Grader
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Joke of the Day – 20 Year Old 5th Grader

Leroy is a 20 year- old 5th grader from Detroit. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate – My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum – I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment – My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis – I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel – Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel.”

9. Undermine – There’s a fine lookin’ ho living in the apartment undermine.

10. Acoustic – When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.

11. Iraq – When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle iraq, you break.

12. Stain – My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, “Do you plan on stain for dinner?”

13. Fortify – I axed this ho on da street, “how much?” she say “fortify.”

14. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

Furthering your education with Today’s Ebonic word: Today’s word is :”OMELETTE” Let us use it in a sentence.

“I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide.”
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