A blonde went to a hair dresser’s one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, “I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off.” The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde’s hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard…”breath in…breath out…breath in…breath out…”!

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The child was a typical four-year-old girl – cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. “Now do you understand?” he asked. “I think so,” she said. “That was when mommy came to work for us?”

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There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,”No I saw what you did to the redhead”! They shout we don’t like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,”no I saw what you did to them”! They shout we don’t like them! The blonde then says, “I don’t trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!”

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A local Goodwill office realized that their organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The manager in charge of financial contributions telephoned the lawyer in an attempt to persuade him to contribute.

“Sir, our research shows that while you make an annual income of over $500,000 you haven’t donated anything to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to our community?”

The lawyer thought this over for a bit and finally replied, “Well, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness and has medical bills adding up to several times over her annual income?” Embarrassed, the Goodwill manager mumbled, “Um… no sir but…”

Cutting the Goodwill rep off, the lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The embarassed Goodwill rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted yet again. ”

Or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?”

The humiliated representative, completely beaten, simply sighed, “I had no idea… I’m sor…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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