Joke of the Day – headache
description

Joke of the Day – headache

There was a man who had had a headache for twenty years and was at the point where he wanted to end his own life, but he decided to go to a specialist first.

No doctor could solve his problem, until finally one of them said “You have a very rare problem, your testicles are pressed up against your spine causing your headache. The only way to remedy it is to remove your testicles.”

The man hesitantly agrees and gets them removed.

On his way home he walks past a taylor shop with a sign saying “ALL SUITS HALF PRICE”

Being in need of a new suit he walks in where a man greets him and says “Hello Sir I see you want a suit, I would say that you are a 34 sleeve and a 24 pant.”

“Wow! How did you know that?” said the man.

“Why Sir I’ve been in this business for 40 years. Would you like shoes to go with that?”

“Sure” says the man. “Okay I’d say that you’re a size 10 wide.”

“Ok, now you’re freaking me out…Thats a great talent” says the man.

“Thanks” replied the shopkeeper, “Now how about some undergarments?”

“Ok see if you can guess my size”, said the man.

“Easy 36” said the shopkeeper.

“Nope 34” replied the man.

To which the shopkeeper exclaimed “Impossible a size 34 would skwish your testicles against your spine and you’de get a headache”.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Joke of the Day – White House
description

Joke of the Day – White House

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine replied, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.”
The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush”.

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and doesn’t reside here.”
The man thanked him and again walked away . . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President George W. Bush.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already several times that Mr. Bush is not the President anymore and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow”

“““““

Check out 007pills.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Web Pharmacy.

Joke of the Day – Bartender
description

Joke of the Day – Bartender

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”

The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.

“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.

The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”

“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.

“Like what?” asked the bartender.

“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.

The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.

“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Joke of the Day – Two hunters
description

Joke of the Day – Two hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods and all of sudden one of them collapses. And he looks like hes not breathing and his friend thinks hes dead.
So he pulls out his cell phone and he calls emergency services and he says to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do?
And the operator says: OK, calm down, calm down. I can help you. Um, now first, just make sure hes dead.
And then theres a silence on the phone. And then theres a shot. Bang!
And then the guy says: OK, what next.

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com