Joke of the Day – Pearly Gates
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Joke of the Day – Pearly Gates

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?” The guy replies, “I’m Joey Shasta, retired pilot, of Pittsburg, PA.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.” Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he flew, people prayed.”

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Joke of the Day –  photo of another man
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Joke of the Day – photo of another man

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.

“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

“No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!” she answers.

“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.

She whispers in his ear “That’s me before the surgery.”

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Joke of the Day – read in a magazine
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Joke of the Day – read in a magazine

A guy read in a magazine that you can have longer sex by masterbating beforehand. He decides to test it out the same evening after work!

His only problem: where should he do it?
In the toilets? To many people!
Behind his desk? To risky!
In the park down the street? To many playing children!

On his way home he thinks he has the ideal solution: stop at a parkingarea next to the road, go underneath the car and act like you are inspecting the underneath.

The guy pulls over at a parking spot, gets underneath his car, closes his eyes, pulls his pants down and starts frantically masturbating while thinking of his girlfriend.

Just before he’s about to reach his highlight, he feels someone pulling on his trouser leg. To keep his rythm, so close before ejaculation, he decides to keep his eyes closed and to continue…….

Again, someone pulls on his trousers leg. Still, with his eyes closed he asked: “Who’s there?”

“Police”, the person answered “and what are we doing here sir?”

“I am inspecting my rear axle, I think its broken” he replied in a bit of a panic.

“Ahh right” the police man replied whilst laughing. While you’re busy doing that, check your handbrake too, because your car is 40 feet further up the road against a lamp post

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Joke of the Day – jewelry store
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Joke of the Day – jewelry store

A guy walks into a jewelry store with this hot blonde. He says to the jeweler, I want to see your finest piece. The jewler brings out this $1,000 bracelet. The guy says, “I don’t think you understand, I want to see your finest piece of jewelry.” The jewler says okay, and brings back this beautiful $5,000 necklace. The man irritated at this point, repeats his request. “I want to see your FINEST piece of jewelry you have in this damn place.” The jewler goes back to the safe, brings out this exquisite $10,000 diamond ring.

The man writes to jewler a check and says, “Now, I know what your are going to think, that the check is bad. That’s why I’m going to leave the check, and the ring with you. Come monday morning when the check clears, I’ll be in to get the ring.” The jewler is ecstatic and says absolutely and thanks the man for his business.

Come monday, the jewler calls the man and says furiously, “What the hell, the check didn’t clear, you didn’t have any money for that ring!” The man replies, “I know, but I had one hell of a weekend!”

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