“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”

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The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout “Up and Over” at each jump.

The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.

The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted “Up and Over” at each jump. So… won the race.

The trainer asked him, “What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?”

The jockey replied, “No, the horse must be deaf.”

“No way!!!” the trainer insisted. “Blind, yes….but not deaf…”

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A passenger plane is about to crash – the pilot announces there’s no hope. A militant feminist stands up and says, “If I’m going to die I want to die happy.”

She takes all her clothes off and shouts, “Is there any man here who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A guy stands up and takes his shirt off and says “Yeah — iron that.”

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A lady’s sick of her husband’s drinking, so she decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and when her husband walks in from being out all night, she jumps out from behind the sofa and screams. He says, “You don’t scare me. I’m married to your sister.”

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