Joke of the Day – Difference Between Men and Women
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Joke of the Day – Difference Between Men and Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot
& love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men – but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s
no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but
he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a
woman – before marriage & after marriage.

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Joke of the Day – Closest Shave Ever
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Joke of the Day – Closest Shave Ever

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

“I have just the thing,” says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”

“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!”

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Joke of the Day – Retired Marine
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Joke of the Day – Retired Marine

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,

“Do you have any military experience?”

The Marine replied, “Why, yes! I’ve been in the Marines for a couple of years.”

“I see,” said the interviewer, “any disabilities?”

The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. “Well… In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles.”

The interviewer, quite shocked, said “All right, you’re hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am.”

“Wait wait!” shouted the Marine, “When do the others start? I don’t want any special treatment just because of my disability.”

The interviewer replied, “Well… I’ll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do.”

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Joke of the Day – Nuns Should Beware San Francisco Buses
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Joke of the Day – Nuns Should Beware San Francisco Buses

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a bus to go home. To his surprise, he sees a very good-looking nun in the back of the bus. He goes to the back of the bus and sits right in front of her. After about 5 minutes pass before he turns around and starts flirting with her. After about 10 minutes, he suggests that they get a drink and then maybe go to his place. The nun is scandalized and orders the man to leave her alone.The man’s stop finally came and he got up furiously and started walking away. On his way out, the bus driver asks him in a high-pitched voice what his problem is. He tells the bus driver about the nun and how she won’t go out with him. The bus driver tells him that he could dress up as Jesus and tell her that, for the sake of her religion, she has to have sex with him. The bus driver says he can even tell her where she lives and that she usually prays late into the night.The man thanks the bus driver, but got off the bus wondering why a gay bus driver would care so much about his problems. Later that night, the man goes to her house dressed up as Jesus. He walks in and sees her praying on a tiny little pew. She sees him and looks shocked. The man, as Jesus, tells her if she wants to go to heaven, she must have sex with him first. The nun says okay, but she’ll only do it up the rear because of her religous beliefs. The guy does so. After he’s done, the guy pulls of his Jesus mask and says HA! I am the guy from the bus! The nun then pulls off her mask and says, HA! I am the bus driver.
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