A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wif e says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table Together.’

‘I know,’ the old man said. ‘We were probably sitting here naked
As a jaybird fifty years ago.’

‘Well,’ Granny snickered. ‘Let’s relive some old times.’

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples
Are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.’

‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps. ‘One’s in your coffee
And the other is in your oatmeal

——-

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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ‘Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?’

The father thought for a moment, then answered, ‘Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’

So the boy went to his mother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?’ The mother replied, ‘Of course I would! We could
really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great
University!’

The boy then went to his sister and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?’ The girl replied, ‘Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I
would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?’

The boy then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?’ ‘Of course,’ the brother replied. ‘Do you know how
much a million bucks would buy?’

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the difference between potentially
and realistically?’

The boy replied, ‘Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million
dollars, but Realistically, we’re living with two hookers and a homo.

“””””

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A professor at the University of Staffordshire was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a mature female student in the front row and said, ‘Do you know what your arse hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘probably playing golf with his friends.’

“””””

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There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back.

The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ”That was a karate chop from Korea.”
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer.

About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again.

The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,”That was a karate chop from China.”
The little guy got up and decided he wasn’t going to take any more of this, so he left the bar.

About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he’s on the floor.

The little guy tells the bartender , ”Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!”

“””””

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