Joke of the Day – Physiotherapy Starter Kit
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Joke of the Day – Physiotherapy Starter Kit

This is a starter kit for the new and up incoming Physiotherapist. This is to be used and operated by trained professionals ONLY. There is a patent pending so please dont try and steal my idea. This is NOT to be used for outstanding or delinquent bills!

1. First start with restaints first because when the patient sees the tape he or she might not think this is an accredited treatment. (rope is supplied)
2. Second then apply some Quiet Time tape. If the Quiet Time tape doesnt acquire the desired quietness then a mild sedative can be used( a good swift hit to the side of head). Not so hard as to loosen teeth but eyes should roll back in head.
3. Third the Softner (a sock with $4.00 in nickels in it with a knot securing the nickels in) should be used on affected area. Start off with a mild swing to affected area and the patient should feel the soft tissue separate and soften. Mild moaning is expected. For the really deep tissue work you will need to give a really good swing. 2-3 quick ones. Some patients scream but this is why the Quiet Time tape is used. If it is NOT used some patients start to beg for this very specialized treatment to stop and cry out loud, scaring the other patients. The objective is NOT to scare patient or other patients who are waiting. Patient should be told that for every patient that leaves becasue of his or her whining and crying a $35 Out Burst charge will be added to thier bill. This is very effective.
4. Fourth the Electruder (a electrical cord with the 2 bare wires at end) should be used to stimulate blood flow to the affected area and help break down scar tissue. This is important because the seems to be alot of scar tissue after 3-4 treatments. The Electruder should be used with great care. Unlike the Tens machine which applies a mild electrical pulsating current that is controled by a dial on the machine the Electruder is solely controlled by the Physiotherapist. The Electruder applies a direct 110volt current to the affected area. It is IMPORTANT that the Electruder be used after the Softner because the patient should have acquired bit of sweat on the body and this helps conduct the 110volt needed to stimulate blood flow and break down that nasty scar tissue.(a small amount of water can be applied). VERY important again that the restraints MUST stay on because patients will try and grab you causing the 110volt current to go through you also. Not so good. The Electruder should always be used last because some patient pass out from the Softners treatment and this also helps bring them around.
5. Patients show rapid improvement in mobility and range of motion. Not so much for pain, that should last awhile. After a few treatments the Quiet Time tape may be removed but NOT the restraints. This will increase the bill as most patients cry out scaring someone away. Even if the dont scare anyone away still add the $35 Out Burst charge to the bill because they wont know, they are in restraints and cant see the waiting room.
6. Playing relaxing music seems to help the process. Some use whales talking. But the sound track to the Sopranos seems to work the best. This seems to let the patient know that YOU are the professional and the you do this for a living and his or her recovery should be quick and expensive.
7. Putting patients on an incentive plan should help you and them. For every 2 patients that they bring in you will deduct $10 from the bill. However the Out Burst charge of $35 that you keep adding on will far out way the deduction.
8. SOME side effects may occur like sudden payment, showing up 10-15 min early, curling up in the fetal potition at the sound of your voice, crying constantly and fliching. Some of these side effects can be cured with an unscheduled appointment. But not all side effects are bad.
9. Some light bruising in the shape of small circles is to be expected because of the use of nickels but heavy bruising may reqire a trip to Mexico(for the Physiotherapist). That is Gods little blind spot and this is a well used therapeutic treatment and is widely accepted as an accreted treatment. It has been used for 1000s of years in basemnets and back alleys and NOW available in Canada and USA.

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Joke of the Day – Sum of Which
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Joke of the Day – Sum of Which

Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch….

Johnny ! shouted his mother. Watch your language! Youre not allowed to use the swearwords. But, Mom, replied the boy, thats what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.

Next day Johnnys mother went right into the classroom to complain. Oh, heavens ! said the teacher. Thats not what I taught them. Theyre supposed to say, Two plus two, the sum of which is four.

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Joke of the Day – Stuff Women Really Need To Know About Men
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Joke of the Day – Stuff Women Really Need To Know About Men

Ok ladies, this is for you. Some of you just dont know what its like to be a man, or know what a man wants. Now, while I admit were not as mysterious as women, theres still some things you need to know. Your man may just be too scared to tell you, so F&J is gonna do it for them. Yep thats us, standing up for mens rights everywhere. wOOt.

1. If youre cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
2. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
* Unless the answer is yes.
* In which case, can he videotape it?
3. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
4. Dont make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to our manhood.
5. Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
6. It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when youre done.
7. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
8. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
9. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
10. Dont hog the covers. Really.
11. If he has to sit through Legends of the Fall, you have to sit through Showgirls.
12. Fine. is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
13. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
14. If you truly want honesty, dont ask questions you dont really want the answer to.
15. Of course he wants another beer.
16. The guy doesnt always have to sleep on the wet spot.
17. Dogs good. Cats bad. Grrrrrrr…..
18. He does not want to be just friends.
19. Do not question a mans innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
20. He was not looking at that other girl.
* Well, okay…. maybe a little.
* Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy….
21. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. a) And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
22. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
23. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm. Ever.
24. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
25. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
26. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
27. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Did I meantion Love it?
28. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
29. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
30. He heard you the first time. Honest.
31. You know, you can ask him out too…. Lets spread the rejection around a little.
32. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
33. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one youre with.
34. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
35. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
36. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that….
37. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: You know, why dont we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?

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Joke of the Day – Farting Pills, Or Not
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Joke of the Day – Farting Pills, Or Not

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him – Doctor, I dont know what the problem is, but Ive been farting all the time. Its not really a problem socially because they dont make any noise and dont smell. I just cant stop farting all the time. In fact, since Ive been standing here I must have farted at least 20 times.

No kidding…. says the doctor with a bit of an upturned nose. The doc says Ive got just the stuff. and gives her some pills. Here take these for 10 days, then return for a followup appointment.

So she takes the pills and returns 10 later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. What kind of medicine is this? Im still farting just as much! They still dont make any noise, but now they stink terribly!

The doctor nodded, Great, now that weve your sinuses cleared up, well work on your hearing next!

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