Seems that, after all these years, the romance and love just wasnt what it used to be for John and Jane. In an attempt to salvage their thirty years of marriage, Jane convices her husband to see a marriage counciler with her.

The counselor asks first asks Jane what she feels the problem is, and before he can even finish his sentece she goes into a tirade listing every single problem the couple has ever had – even before things went south. She goes on and on for nearly an hour, and finishes in tears.

Finally, the counselor gets up from his couch, walks over to Jane, embraces her and begins to kiss her passionately. The woman quiets down, immediately, and sits there in a daze.

The counselor then turns to the John and says, Your wife needs this at least three times a week. For the sake of your marriage, can you can do this? The husband ponders this question for a moment, and confidentally replies, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays…. but on Fridays, I play golf.
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a local gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately asked her to undress, afterwhich the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, Do you know what Im doing? Yes, she replied, youre checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities. That is right, said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. Do you know what Im doing now? he asked. Yes, the woman said, youre checking for any lumps or breast cancer. Correct, replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, Do you know what Im doing now? Yes, she said. Youre getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.

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A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wifes monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when I made my big mistake. What did you do? asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the cows tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours! I dont remember much after that!

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A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks Howd you end up with a peg-leg?

I was swept overboard during a fierce storm, says the pirate. and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!

Holy cow! said the sailor. What about the hook, howd you get that?

Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!

Absolutely incredible! gasped the sailor. And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?

A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye, replied the pirate.

Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping? asked the sailor, admonished.

Embarassed, the pirate answered It was me first day with the hook.
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