Joke of the Day – Grapes and Doughnuts

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but alw ays promised not to take a case if he felt he couldnt help. The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you.

On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wifes love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

Then next, maam, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut. The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.

Well, all right, the doctor said. On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios….

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Joke of the Day – 13 Margeritas

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 13 margaritas. The bartender abruptly replies, Wow sir, that sure is a lot, whats the occasion?

MargaritaSo the guy sits down on a stool, hangs his head and tells the curious bartender, Well, my first blow job. The bartender smiles and replies, Yea, thats a splendid occasion indeed. Let me get you one more drink, on the house!

Nah, the guy replies…. If thirteen doesnt get the taste out, nothing will.

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Joke of the Day – Stranded On A Deserted Island

Three chicks were stranded on an deserted island – a brunette, redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, Im going to try to swim to shore. She swam out five miles and got really tired, by the time she made it ten miles she was too tired to go on, and she drowned.

The second chick, a redhead, said to herself, I wonder if she made it. I guess its better to try to get to the mainland than to stay here and starve to death. So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, and she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, I wonder if they made it! I think Id better try to make it, too. So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, Im too tired to go on! So she swam back.

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Joke of the Day – Well Endowed

It was the first day of third grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldnt get past 20. Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His dad nodded and told him, Thats because you are from Alabama, son.

The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Its third grade, so most could make it half way through without too much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, Thats because you are from Alabama, son.

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly well endowed. This confused him. That night he told his dad, Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because Im from Alabama? he asked.

No, son, explained his Dad, Thats because youre 18.

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