Joke of the Day – 13 margaritas

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 13 margaritas. The bartender abruptly replies, Wow sir, that sure is a lot, whats the occasion?

MargaritaSo the guy sits down on a stool, hangs his head and tells the curious bartender, Well, my first blow job. The bartender smiles and replies, Yea, thats a splendid occasion indeed. Let me get you one more drink, on the house!

Nah, the guy replies…. If thirteen doesnt get the taste out, nothing will.

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Joke of the Day – bunch of flowers

A guy comes home to his wife one evening with a big bunch of flowers and she says “I suppose this means I have to get on my back with my legs open for the next three days”. The husband says “Why? Don’t you have any vases?”
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Joke of the Day – medical student

A medical student is doing is rotation on the psychiatric ward. He is getting a tour by the attending psychiatrist, seeing the grounds, etc. The two of them walk down a hall, with a number of locked doors on both sides. The attending doctor opens the first door on the left. The student looks in and sees a man, buck naked and shaved completely bald. The man is laying on a mattress, which, besides the toilet, is the only item in the white room. The man is furiously masturbating. The student, shocked, asks “My God, what is his problem?” The attending answers, “He has a very unique condition. He is locked in a delusion belief system: he thinks that if he does not ejaculate 17 times each day, his testicles will explode.” They leave and continue walking down the hall. The attending doctor unlocks and opens another door. Inside the resident sees a man sitting on a canopied bed, decked out in a velvet robe. The room is as finely appointed as a five-star hotel. In one hand the patient holds a glass of scotch, in the other a fine Cuban cigar. There is also a beautiful, buxom, blonde nurse in the room, performing oral sex on the patient. The student, perplexed, asks “what is his problem?” The attending doctor replies “Oh, he has the same problem as that last guy, but he has a much better insurance plan.”
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Joke of the Day – Top Ten Psycho Pick-Up Lines

Top Ten Psycho Pick-Up Lines

10. Didn’t I see you on the grassy knoll?
9. Can I buy you a spatula?
8. Bet you’re wondering why I have no nostrils?
7. Your crawlspace or mine?
6. You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters.
5. May I lick your forehead?
4. Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?
3. Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.
2. What’s your favorite flavor of wood?
1. You’ve stolen my heart, but thats okay because I have three more back home in the freezer!
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