An Irishman was coming out of a pub one night after a few Guinesses. When he walked out the door, he was accosted by a masked gunman who said “Are you a Catholic or are you Protestant? The Irishman didn’t know how to answer, because the thought to himself “If I say Catholic, I could get killed, and if I say I’m Protestant, I could get killed.” So, quickly he answered “I’m Jewish.” The gunman replied “Well aren’t I the luckiest Arab in Ireland!!!”
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There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of water.” The bartender says, “Why do you want a shot of water?” The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, “Tea time.”
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This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis. “No thanks,” the girl says. “You know I don’t smoke.”
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A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. “Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love”. The old man replied, “I thought so…would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window…they’re choking my ducks!”
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