In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Charlie, what are you doing?” Charlie replied, “Driving to Chicago!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Charlie, how are you doing?” Charlie says, “I just got into Chicago”. “Great,” replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie’s room and goes across the hall into Bob’s room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, “Bob, what are you doing?!” Bob exclaims, “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife while he’s in Chicago!”
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she says, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.” “Correct,” says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now”, he says. “Yes,” says the woman, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.” “That’s right,” replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. “Do you know,” he pants “what I’m doing now?” “Yes,” she says. “You’re getting herpes.”
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An Irishman staggers into a library, approaches the librarian and shouts, “FISH AND CHIPS, PLEASE!” The librarian puts her finger up to her lip and says, “This is a Library”. Irish guy says in a whispering voice, ” fish and chips, please.”

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a bunch of shots. The bartender says “You celebrating something?” The guy says “My first blowjob.” The bartender replied “Good for you!” When the man was done, the bartender says “That must have been some blow job. You need anything else?” The guy said “No if 12 shots of whiskey doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will.”
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