An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

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The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.””What is it, child?”The girl said, “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin – it’s only a mistake.”

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I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer’s group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!

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A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.

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