The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.””What is it, child?”The girl said, “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin – it’s only a mistake.”
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I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer’s group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!
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A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.
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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, “I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.””In that case,” said the patient, “I’ll come back when you’re sober”
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