A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wifes golf ball……….stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when I made my mistake.

What did you do? asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
Hey, this looks like yours!
“““““

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1. BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see whats going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generations answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

9. STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT
Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404
Someone whos clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that youve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18. WOOFS
Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING
Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

……………..

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1. Virginity like bubble, one prick – all gone.

2. Man who run in front of car get tired.

3. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

7. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

8. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

10. Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.

11. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

12. War does not determine who is right; war determine who is left.

13. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

15. It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.

16. Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

18. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

19. Man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs.

……………..

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Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, Will you knock it off, Im trying to poop!

……………..

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