Joke of the Day: Police Assistance

A man rings the police “Help, there’s someone in my back shed, stealing my tools!”

He’s told by the police officer on duty “Sorry Sir, there’s no units available. Stay inside your house and lock the door”

He calls back shortly after; “It’s me again. You know that man that was in my shed? Don’t worry about it. I’ve shot him.”

A dozen units show up within minutes, lights flashing, sirens blaring and the police catch the burglar in the act. A furious policeman marches up to the old man “I thought you said you’d shot him?!”

He replies; “And I thought you said there were no police units available”.

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Joke of the Day: Sex therapist

A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sex?”

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

“We’re not trying to find out anything,” the husband replied. “She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare

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Joke of the Day: Asking for a raise

A maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well Senora, there are three reasons I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better than I?”

Maria: “Your husband said so.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maria: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?”

Maria: “Your husband did.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am a better lover than you.”

Wife (really furious now): “Did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Senora, the gardener did.”

She got her raise

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Joke of the Day: Husband and wife go dancing

A husband takes his wife dancing.

They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Husband says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!”

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