A man is flying a plane over the Amazon
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A man is flying a plane over the Amazon

A man is flying a plane over the Amazon, when he suddenly crashes, but he’s ok, don’t worry. He’s staggering through the jungle when he suddenly realizes he’s surrounded by bloodthirsty savages. And he thinks, “Man, I am totally fucked.”

“No”, a voice booms out from the heavens, “You’re not fucked.”

The voice continues, “Listen to me very carefully. Grab the spear from the savage next to you, run up to the chief and stab him in the chest.”

So the man, with nothing to lose, grabs the spear from the savage next to him, runs up to the chief and stabs him in the chest.

The man, as he’s standing over the chief who’s now dying in a pool of blood, looks up at the heavens and ask, “Now what, Lord?”

And the voice booms back, “OK. Now you’re fucked.”

“””””

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Two gorgeous older sisters
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Two gorgeous older sisters

My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they’re TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend’s room, “How are you mate?”
“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.
I say to them, “Your brother has sent me down here to have sex with both of you”

They respond “Get away with ya… Prove it.”

I shouted upstairs, “Hey, mate! Both of them?”

He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?”

“””””

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3 brothers own a cow
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3 brothers own a cow

3 brothers own a cow, which suddenly dies. The cow being almost a part of their family and a major income source for the family, the 3 brothers become very heartbroken and decide to commit suicide in the river. So they approach the river and are almost about to jump in when a fairy comes out of the river.

Fairy: “If anyone of you is able to satisfy me sexually, I’ll bring the cow back from the dead.”

Brother 1 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her after 1 hour. The fairy says she’s not impressed.

Brother 2 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her after 3 hours. The fairy says she’s still not impressed.

Now brother 3 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her the next day after almost 24 hours.

The fairy clearly exhausted and almost dead, says to the other 2 brothers, “I’m giving your cow back. Your brother is just insane. I haven’t seen such raw sexual stamina before.”

“Well”, one of the brother replies, “How do you think the cow died?”

“””””

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Two economists are walking in a forest
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Two economists are walking in a forest

Two economists are walking in a forest when they come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.

Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, “You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. I can’t help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing.”

“That’s not true”, responded the second economist. “We increased the GDP by $200!”

“””””

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