Three men go to hell and they’re pissed
description

Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

Three men go to hell and they’re pissed. “Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
The men let out a cheer. This wouldn’t be so hard.

The first man steps up and observes his surroundings. Finally, he picks a sturdy looking boulder to place on his back. “Ready,” he says.

Satan raises his whip and yells, “ONE!”

CRACK

The boulder immediately splits in half.

“Aw fuck this,” says the first man. “I’ll just stay.”

Satan smirks and asks, “Who’s next?”

The second man steps up and, without picking any protection, gets in position.

“Are you sure about that?” asks Satan, to which the man replies with
“I have trained my mind and body to ignore any unnecessary pain. I need no protection.”
“Whatever you say, pal.” Satan raises his arm and yells, “ONE!”

CRACK

The man slightly flinches, his pain evident, but he remains upright.

Annoyance flashes across Satan’s face. He raises his arm again and shouts, “TWO!”
CRACK

Again, the man remains upright, all the way up to the tenth whipping.

The man gets up, weary but happy. Satan looks furious and says, “Whatever, goodjob. You, third guy, you’re next. What are you picking?”

The third man takes in his surroundings, lays his eyes on his choice and says, “I’m gonna pick the second guy.”

“““““

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Woman steps in front of a bus
description

Woman steps in front of a bus

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly. She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.
?
He looks the woman up and down, and says “Hm… Strange. It’s not your time! I’m sending you back.”

“Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?” she asks.

“Worry not, my child. You have many, many more years until it is your time. You will live until the ripe old age of 108!”
?
She’s sent back to Earth and pops into her miraculously repaired body. She gets up, dusts herself off, and with a huge smile on her face immediately heads to the plastic surgeon. She proceeds to get a face lift, a tummy tuck, hair implants and more. “If I’m going to live to the old age of 108, I might as well look my best!” she happily thought.
?
After all the surgeries and cosmetic procedures and makeovers, she looks STUNNING. Beautiful pouty lips and a tiny waist and long luscious hair. She walks out of the salon and BAM. She’s hit by a bus and dies instantly.
?
Once again, she is at the pearly gates and again, is greeted by God.
“What in the world was that?!” she exclaims, “You said I was supposed to live until 108!”
God looks her up and down and says “Well I didn’t recognize you!”

“““““

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer…
description

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer…

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

“How about having sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.

Silence fell… then everyone turned to the masochist and asked: “So, what’s it gonna be?”
To which he replied, “meow”

“““““

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Dating a woman with a twin
description

Dating a woman with a twin

A man once was dating a woman with a twin. The twins got it into their minds that they could switch places and he would end up having sex unknowingly with her twin.
One night he’s in bed and she turns off the light to make it harder for him to realize their trick.

She makes up a last minute excuse to leave the room and a minute or two late he hears what he assumes is her coming back into the room and climbing into bed.

They start making out and end up having incredible sex. At some point in the night they switched back.

He woke up next to his girlfriend and she smiled, asking if he enjoyed “our sex”. He explained to her he’d been onto them the whole time and that he knew it wasn’t her from the very start.

She looked at him shocked and asked how he knew.

He said, “your hands are smaller than his.”

“““““

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