Month: September 2008

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the towns most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way?

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, Um …. no.

The lawyer interrupts, or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

or that my sisters husband died in a traffic accident, the lawyers voice rising in indignation, leaving her penniless with three children?!

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, I had no idea….

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, So if I dont give any money to them, why should I give any to you?

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GHOST Poop: The kind where you feel the Poop come out, but there is no Poop in the toilet.

CLEAN Poop: The kind where you Poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.

WET Poop: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you dont ruin them with a stain.

SECOND WAVE Poop: This happens when youre done Pooping and youve pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poop some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-Poop: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG Poop: The kind of Poop that is so huge youre afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY Poop: Its so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

DRINKER Poop: The kind of Poop you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN Poop: (Self-explanatory)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop: The kind where you want to Poop, but all you do is set on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP Poop: This is when it hurts so badly coming out youd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS Poop: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

LIQUID Poop: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

MEXICAN Poop: It smells so badly that your nose burns.

UPPER CLASS Poop: The kind of Poop that has no odor.

THE SURPRISE Poop: You are not at the toilet because you think you are about to fart but….oops….a poop!

THE DANGLING Poop: This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in advance with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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There was a bus full of 30 ugly people, and it crashed and the all died instantly. They all went to heaven where God felt sorry for them because they were so ugly, so he decided to grant them one wish each. So they got in a line for their wish. They first person in line wished to be the most gorgeous person ever, and the person behind her wished to be gorgeous too, and so it went on and on.

When they got about half way down the line the person in the back of the line started chuckling, then there were only a few people left and he started laughing hysterically! Then he was the next person and he was laughing so hard he was on the floor and didnt think he had any more tears to shed for ANY reason! Then when it came his turn it took him 10 minutes to stop laughing, every time he would almost stop, he would start again. Well, he finally stopped laughing and was able to get his wish in. He told God Make them all ugly again!

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