One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: You know, one of these days the passengers arent going to scream, and we arent going to know when to take off!

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A police officer pulls over this guy whos been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guys window and says, Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.

The man says, Sorry, officer, I cant do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, Ill have a really bad asthma attack.

Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.

I cant do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, Ill bleed to death.

Well, then, we need a urine sample.

Im sorry, officer, I cant do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, Ill get really low blood sugar.

All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.

I cant do that, officer.

Why not?

Because Im drunk.

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In a small Texas town there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing firemens helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!

I assured her that I did, but simply couldnt recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, See, it says right here, The three wise men came from afar.

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
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After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doc interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doc says I bet you are a surgeon. She confirms and asks how he knew. Easy, youre always washing your hands. Thats very clever she says, I bet youre an anesthesiologist. Wow, how did you guess?

I didnt feel a thing.

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