in Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day – Drunk Poker

A man walked into a bar room one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, Bartender, Id like to buy the house a round of drinks. The bartender said, No problem sir, but Ill need to see some money first. The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender cant believe what hes seeing. Where did you get all that money?, asked the bartender. Im a professional gambler, replied the man. The bartender said, Theres no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?. Well, I only bet on sure things said the guy.

Like what? asked the bartender. Well, for example, Ill bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye. The bartender thought about it. OK. So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. Aw, you screwed me, said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. Ill give you another chance. Ill bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, Well, I know youre not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. Ill take that bet. So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. Aw, you screwed me again. Thats how I win so much money, bartender. Ill just take a bottle of your best scotch in leiu of the $100″, said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, Bartender, Ill give you one last chance. Ill bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldnt even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. OK, youre on. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, Hey pal, you owe me $500!. The guy climbed down off the bar and said, Thats OK. I just bet each of the guys in the poker room $1000 that I could piss all over you AND the bar AND still make you laugh!.

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