Month: July 2010

A local Goodwill office realized that their organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The manager in charge of financial contributions telephoned the lawyer in an attempt to persuade him to contribute.

“Sir, our research shows that while you make an annual income of over $500,000 you haven’t donated anything to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to our community?”

The lawyer thought this over for a bit and finally replied, “Well, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness and has medical bills adding up to several times over her annual income?” Embarrassed, the Goodwill manager mumbled, “Um… no sir but…”

Cutting the Goodwill rep off, the lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The embarassed Goodwill rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted yet again. ”

Or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?”

The humiliated representative, completely beaten, simply sighed, “I had no idea… I’m sor…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man’s head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

“Hello?” she cried, but no answer.

“Is there anyone here?” she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:

“HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?”

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

“Hello! We’re down here…”

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As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one. “You didn’t really do that, did you?” “You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?”

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A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas
gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long,
after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note – romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.

While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.

The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from
Showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming
year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.

(P.S… The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

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