A doctor has some trouble with the kitchen sink, on a public holiday. He calls the local plumber, only to be told that it’s his day off.

“But I get called out on my days off, too!” says the doctor, somewhat exasperated.” So, the plumber relents.

The plumber arrives, and glances over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbles something about golf, then hands the doctor a couple of aspirin and walks out, saying, “Put these in. If it doesn’t clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow.”

“““““

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

“““““

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Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!”

“Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.”

“What fer?”, asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?,” said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”

“No, sir,” said Earl while pointing at the labels. “We’re on the patch.”

——-

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Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?”

Patient, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”

The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”

Patient, “My farts do not stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time. Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times. You didn’t hear them and you don’t smell them, do you?”
“Hmm,” says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled “Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”

“No,” sighs the Doctor, “The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

“““““

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