Three women were out to lunch (brunette, red head, and a blonde) and they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, “I know what I’m going to have.” The other to asked how she knew. She replied, “well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a boy”.
The red head said, “If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved.
The blonde starts crying and starts screaming, “PUPPIES, PUPPIES!”
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A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factory where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.
On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it’s doing. “As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise.” he says “The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a “hiss.. hiss… hiss-pop” sound during the manufacturing process. “Wait a second,” the future shift manager says, “I know what the hiss, hiss is… but what’s with the ‘pop’ noise every once in a while?”
“Oh, that hehe. It’s the same as the baby bottle nipple process.” says the guide… “It pokes a hole in every third condom.”
“But that can’t be good for the condoms!” the observant shift manager replied.
“Nah, but it’s really good for the baby bottle nipple business!
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A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F.”
The man smiled back to her and once again, “S-H-I-T.”
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?”
The man answered, “‘S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.'”
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, its quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
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