Month: July 2014

A kid walks into a whore house carrying a dead frog. A kid walks into a whore house with a dead frog. He goes to the front desk and sets his dead frog up on the counter top. The man at the desk says, we don’t allow kids here. The kid puts $100 bill on the counter and the man replies, ok what do you want? The kid says, I want to have sex with the girl here that has the most STD’s I can get.

We don’t have women like that here sorry buddy. The kid then puts another $100 bill on the table. Ok kid, all the way down the hall last door on the left. The kid comes out of the room after awhile and as he’s walking out the front door the man stops him. Hey kid, why in the world would you do that? You basically just killed yourself.

The kid looks up at him and says, I’m going to go home and fuck my babysitter. My parents are going to come home then my dad will take the babysitter home and he will fuck the babysitter. My dad will come home and he will fuck my mom. My dad will leave for work in the morning and the mail man will come and my mom will fuck the mail man and that’s the mother fucker who ran over my frog.

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A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. “Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?” The doctor replies, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. “Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my last hope!” The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, “I think I may be able to help you. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem.” The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, “NO.” The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. “WOW,” he screamed out loud, “This is great!!” But at 20 inches it was still too long, so he asked the frog again. “Frog, will you marry me?” the guy shouted. The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!” The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, “This is fantastic.” He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog will you marry me?” The frog looked back across pond shaking its head, “How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!”

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Little Stacy is digging a hole in the back yard when her neighbor looks over the fence.

“What are you doing Stacy?”

“My goldfish died, so I’m digging a hole to bury it.”

The neighbor smiles:

“But isn’t that hole a little big for a gold fish?”

“Not if it’s inside your fucking cat.”

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An Englishman, a Scotchman, and an Irishman walk into a bar

They each order a beer. The barkeep brings them each a beer, and there happens to be a fly in each one.

The Englishmen, a bit put off, says “Sir there’s a fly in my beer, I’ll need a fresh one please.”

The Scotchman, undeterred shrugs and says “I won’t be letting a fly ruin me enjoying my beer!” and he chugs his.

The Irishman is enraged and grabs the fly by the wings and yells “SPIT IT OUT YE BASTARD!”

^^^^^^

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