Two Blondes are out on a hike when one looks down and sees some tracks.
“Hey look, deer tracks!” she exclaims.
The other blond looks over and says, “Those aren’t deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!”
After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
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A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After weeks of counselling he is pronounce healed and finally believes he isn’t a mouse.
Shortly after leaving the psychiatrist’s office he runs back in and screams: “Doctor, there’s a cat on the street!”
The psychiatrist replies, “I thought we were past this, you are not a mouse!”
The man answers, “but did anyone tell the cat?”
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A man phoned his wife from the office, “Honey, I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, but I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home soon to pick them up.” He rushed home to pick up his things, hugged his wife, apologized for giving her such short notice and hurried off. When he returned a week later, his wife asked, “Well, dear, did you have a good fishing trip?” “I sure did,” he replied. “The fishing was great, but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.” “No, dear, I didn’t,” the wife replied with a sly smile. “I put them in your tackle box!”
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A farmer buys a young rooster to replace his old one.
The young rooster is immediately confident. He’ll have every hen to himself.
The old rooster takes offense to this. He approaches the young rooster and says, “This here is my farm. I’ve been the alpha male for 10 years, and I’m not gonna let some pompous youngun like yourself take over. So here’s what I’m gonna do: I challenge you to a race. 10 laps around the barn. Whoever wins, stays.”
The young rooster doesn’t hesitate. “Not a problem, old fart. Once I win, you leave.”
“Those are the rules,” says the old rooster. “I only ask for a half-lap headstart. Only fair with how young and verile you are.”
The young rooster mulls it over and confidently agrees. One half-lap headstart.
The race begins. The young rooster quickly realizes that the old rooster is faster than he thought. 5 laps in, and the old rooster still has a half-lap lead.
But then the old rooster’s age begins to show. By lap 7, his lead has dwindled to a quarter-lap.
By this time, all of the horses, goats, hens, pigs, and every other animal on the farm have come to watch. They’re all amazed at the spectacle, and continue to rave louder and louder.
By lap 9, the young rooster has nearly caught up to the old rooster. With one more lap to go, the old rooster holds only a foot-long lead on the young rooster. The other animals can’t control they’re excitement.
The farmer hears a commotion outside. He takes a look out of his door and sees all the animals gathered around the barn raising hell. He grabs his shotgun and heads outside to see what the commotion is about.
He arrives when the 2 roosters are halfway done with the last lap, the old rooster still barely in the lead. The farmer cocks his shotgun and shoots the young rooster. The animals, including the old rooster, scatter.
As the farmer walks back to the house, he loudly says to himself, “GodDAMN! That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
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