A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bargain price.

After a few weeks, the rooster has been quite busy. The hens are very happy and fertile and his chickens are multiplying quickly.

A few days later, he hears a terrible noise in the night. The fox is back. But the farmer finds the rooster sexually violating the poor fox. The fox runs off into the night never to return.

The farmer warns the rooster, “Damn, son. That’s mighty brave of you, but that habit is gonna be the death of you.”

The rooster shrugs it off and goes back to his harem of hens.

Several more farm animals were violated over the next few weeks–pigs, a mule, the geese, the farm dog, and even a cow. Each time, the farmer warned, “That’s gonna get you killed, boy. Slow that down.” But the rooster continued to shrug it off.

A few days later, the rooster is nowhere to be found. A small gathering of buzzards is circling over the bean field. The farmer wades into the rows to find the rooster laying motionless.

“I told you so, you horny bastard.”

The rooster opens and eye and points to the buzzards and says, “Shh!”

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British” One week later, the Cape bulletin, in South Africa , reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Thabazimbi , South Africa , Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing (azikolo, fokol (f*** all). Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless.

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A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he’s pouring it the bartender asks “So what’s the story with the leg?”

“Well it were many a year ago,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night.”

“That’s terrible,” says the bartender. “What about the hand?”

“Well it were the very next day,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night.”

“Wow,” says the bartender. “So what about the eye?”

“Well it were the very next day,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!”

“Oh man,” says the bartender. “And that blinded you?”

“Well no,” says the pirate. “But it were me first day with the hook.”

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So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he’s so ugly. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes… the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner.

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