A guy sees a sign that reads, “help stop my horse from crying. $500.00”. The guy whispers in the horses ear and the horse begins to laugh non-stop. Farmer pays him his money and away he goes.

A year later he sees the sign and it reads, “make my horse stop laughing, $1,000.00″. So the guy goes behind the barn and the horse starts crying again.

The farmer divvies out the funds and says,”I gotta know, what did you do?” The guy says, “well when he was crying I told him my dick was bigger than his and when he wouldn’t stop laughing, I showed him”!
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3 Men are lost in an island.

They find out that the island is filled with ruthless cannibals. They are caught by the cannibals, and are taken to the leader of their tribe for a hearing.

Bored, the leader asks each of the three to bring 10 fruits of one kind, Example, 10 bananas, etc.

They all scatter across the island to gather 10 fruits.

The first one gets 10 apples.

The leader says, “Shove all the ten fruits up your assholes without an expression! If you make a noise or make a face, you will be eaten by us!”

Puzzled, He puts the first apple into his anus, screams and is eaten, and is sent to heaven.

The second one brings 10 cherries, the leader says him to do the same, he inserts 9 cherries into his anus, laughs hysterically, and is eaten by the cannibals and sent to heaven.

In heaven, the first guy asks the second, “You were going so good, you could’ve lived, Why did you laugh?”

The second guy says, “I saw the third guy bringing pineapples.”

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The Pope is walking through the streets of Vatican City and he sees two beggars holding up cans for money. One of them is holding up a Christian cross, and the other a Star of David. The Pope sees that the one with the cross is, of course, getting much more money than the one with the Star of David, with some people only giving money to the Christian to spite the Jew. The Pope decides he has to intervene.

So he taps the Jew gently on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me. I noticed that you didn’t have anything in your tin and I wanted to point out that in Vatican City, begging for money with a Star of David isn’t a very good method of getting any, especially with a man with a cross next to you. Perhaps you should try a different city?”

The Jewish man laughs out loud, shocking the Pope. He turns to the Christian and exclaims, “Hey Abraham! Look who’s trying to teach the Goldberg brothers marketing!”
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Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of his voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow, Russian to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina puts her hand up and says “I have two questions” “Why did the Russians take Crimea? And Why are we sending troops to Ukraine?” Putin says “Good questions” But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the kids go to Lunch.

When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Tatiana, puts her hand up and says “I have Four questions”

“My Questions are – Why did the Russians invade Crimea? Why are we sending troops to Ukraine? Why did the bell go 20 minutes early? And Where is Alina?”

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